When nothing goes right, go left instead!
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
A blind man walks into a bar… And a chair… and a table.
I don’t always surf the internet, but when I do, eyebrows!
Yesterday, I changed my WiFi password to “Hackitifyoucan”; today, someone changed it to “ChallengeAccepted”.
So, you’re on Instagram? You must be an amazing photographer.
Real men don’t take selfies.
I haven’t done this in a while so excuse me.
I know I’m lucky that I’m so cute.
Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that.
I’m your worst nightmare.
Hey girl, feel my sweater. Know what it’s made of? Boyfriend material.
If I was funny, I would have a good Instagram caption.
I think you are lacking vitamin me!
What if I told you, you can eat without posting it on Instagram.
Need an ark? I Noah guy.